Ubud High « Bali 2020 « Ayurvedic Tantric Sex & Yoga on Bali ~ Tantra Instructors, Teachers, Classes & Workshops in Ubud and Canggu
‘Nothing lasts forever, particularly in the tropics.’
Ayurvedic Tantra, Sex and Embodiment in Ubud, Bali ~ Cherish Your Doshas, Dance with Your Shakti, Play with Your Intuitive Flow and Surrender to Bliss
Advertisement for Isha Hatha Yoga classes at the Isha Hatha Yoga Systems School featuring an Indian sage-guru on a wall in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.
Photograph © 2020 Ubud High.
The Tantric Sex Deal on Bali ~ Kosmic Kakofany, Ubud-style
Blog / New-Age Tourism & Self-Enrichment
Nothing lasts forever, particularly in the tropics. After ten years of staunch service, my MacBook Pro finally died. Cue a new laptop, and a month's-worth of back-up scouring, and I was ready to tap again. But one little text file from 2014 caught my eye, and I'm not sure why it never made the grade.
It was taken from an Ubud group's Facebook post – an advert during the anarchic heyday of fast-and-loose foreign self-help gurus forsaking work permits for a quick, fat wad.
It didn't take long for Immigration to bust them, and this particular sex-guru has since moved back to 'Oslo-Antwerp-Vienna' to continue his research. (The Ubud retreat centre where he practised his dark skills is still going strong, apparently, and even in these stiff Covid-depression times is charging USD$150 a night for a single room with breakfast only – retreat not included.)
Can't be bad, this Ayurvedic tantric intuitive business.
Here it is in all its glory:
‘Tantric Sex in Ubud: Play with the Intuitive Flow, Dance with your Shakti, Cherish your Doshas and Surrender to Bliss’
‘Tantra is the original holistic way of life, yoking body, mind and spirit into living life as a whole. Polarities of good and evil, pure and impure, matter and spirit are done away with as unnecessary barriers to a direct experience of cosmic consciousness. With great finesse, tantra uses material reality for spiritual unfoldment.
Possible side effects:
- Mind, body and soul coming into alignment.
- Reconnection to your physical body, your emotional body and your sexuality.
- Experiencing what it is like to live a deep and meaningful life, to walk with ease, and flow in a wonderful world of divine syncronicity [sic].
Why people book sessions:
Illumination Process (Clearing the Blueprint of Trauma); Relationship Counseling; Inability to Self-Pleasure and Orgasm; Learning How to Give and Receive Pleasure; Relief from Pelvic Tension; Enhancing Sex Life for Couples; Recovering Sexual Pleasure after Childbirth or Surgery; Trauma; Accepting and Loving One's Body and Sexuality; Premature Ejaculation; Erectile Dysfunction; Blue-Ball Syndrome; Porn and Sexual Addiction; Anal Release for Men and Women; Trigger-Point Massage (External De-armouring); Internal/External Genital De-armouring; Psoas Release; Sensitive Massage to Arouse Sexual Energy; Throat Opening; and Vagus Activation.’
And there we have it. A relic from a rusted hard-drive, and a historical snapshot of Ubud at peak tantric Ayurvedic snake-trading and fakery.
The good news? Nothing lasts forever. Particularly in the tropics.
Related content ~ Yoga, Healing, Wellness, Dance & Therapy at the Bali Spirit Festival in Ubud
The annual 2022 Bali Spirit Festival in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia – a week's worth of wellness and yoga workshops, bhakti music, watsu, kirtan, crystal sound-healing, ecstatic dance, capoeira, innerlight revival breathwork, hula-hoop dance, tribal electronic medicine music, embodied dance, yin-and-yang yoga, personal development, vision boarding, clarity breatheology, afro-latin medicine loops, mantra music and loveolution cacao ceremonies.
© 2021 John Storey. All Rights Reserved.
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Photograph by © Ubud High.
© 2021 John Storey. All rights reserved.
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THE UBUD HANDBOOK ~ Your free guide to living in Ubud and Bali in an online nutshell.
‘First stop on Shree Ganesha's round-Asia tour was a spell in Buddhist Tibet with its strong tantric leanings – a convenient spot to re-invent himself as Vinãyaka, and then as the dancing red Nritta Ganapati – before a full-blown alter-ego revamp as the scarlet, twelve-armed Maharakta Ganapati. Now, Maharakta Ganapati was unusually fond of skullcaps filled with human flesh and blood – and this we might charitably put down to a bad trip.
After all, what happens in Tibet stays in Tibet...’
‘To cut an all-night story short, the mask was donned by a dancer who fell into a deep trance. But instead of staying in the temple, he began to run. And run. He became violent and uncontrollable. He ran for four kilometers down the road – the crowd scrambled after him. He ended up in a cemetery just past my house, and in the dead of night began to do frenzied battle with unseen foes...’
∞ 'Nyepi' ~ Bali's Hindu New Year, and the Day of Silence ~ Melasti, Ngerupuk, Ogoh-Ogoh & Manis Nyepi
‘If previous New Years' Days have seen you waking up with a crippling hangover trying to remember what you did the night before, maybe it's time you headed to Bali in March. Nyepi – the Balinese Day of Silence, and the start of the Hindu Saka New Year – is a day, a night and a day you'll never forget....’
‘Kajeng Kliwon is the kind of day when anything that can happen will happen. It invariably does.
You have been seriously warned...’
“When I had my sixth and seventh babies at the hospital – my twin girls – the doctor ordered me to have a Caesarian. And without asking me, he tied my tubes off as well.
I think he thought I'd had enough babies...”
“On the third bite,” says one hater, “it was as though I'd just eaten a diseased, parasite-infested animal with a bad case of rabies. I prayed I wouldn't be sick because I really didn't want to taste it again on the way back up...”
‘Boobs and political censorship have never been far from the Silver Screen – in Indonesia, they're its bedrock. The silent flicks of Thirties' Bali sucked hungrily on the island's bare-breasted cabinet-postcard image that encouraged so many gilded tourists – and dodgy film-stars like Charlie Chaplin – to visit its sultry, forbidden shores...’
Getting Around ~ Bali 'Biking
“For me, some of the most dangerous people on the road are white people. I avoid them like the plague. You can tell the ones who are going to hurt others – the fixed grins, the hunched over the handle-bars, the wobbling around corners and shouts of indignation when they finally hit someone – because they have absolutely no idea how life and the road works around here...”
‘She tears into the traffic. She can't stop. She narrowly misses hitting a car head-on, swerves past a mum on a 'bike and slaloms across the road. Before she hits anyone – it's a miracle she doesn't – she falls in a bad-sounding heap of bent metal and smashing plastic. A group of Balinese rush to pick her up before the cops see her...’
‘She starts sweeping and I notice she's limping. There's a spreading bruise and an angry graze running past her knee and down her calf. She wants to carry on cleaning – I sit her down and ask her what happened.
She's shy; I press...’
‘Rule number one on a monsoon day? Don't get wet.
You may not realise that getting caught in a cloudburst or shower on Bali – particularly if you're on a motorbike – is the tropical equivalent of walking naked outside during a Prague Winter after a lukewarm bath.
It'll really slow you down. The shivers, hot-and-cold flushes, a chesty cough, diarrhoea, sneezing, stomach pains, a belting headache and aching bones are all at the top of the list...’
‘Nowhere is free from the tax of life. We all have to pay for our slice of Bali paradise – and this often comes in the shape of our biting, stinging, crawling, flying-insect cousins.
It's the downside of environment-sharing...’
Holidays from the Jungle
‘Agricultural, and unpractised in the dark art of handling international tourists, the aristocratic farmer-people of Trunyan have acquired a damaging reputation for aggression. Their unique tourist draw – a jungle-cemetery where bodies are left in the open to disintegrate underneath a magical banyan tree – is regularly shunned by travellers on the time-sensitive tourist circuit...’
‘Ten meters away and the young man finally looks up – an inane, animal-like grin taped across his face as his girlfriend grips his porcelain butt and grimaces towards the empty blue sky. They disengage like street dogs, utter an invective in Russian, and stare...’
Tourism & Self-Enrichment
‘My concentration's shot to pieces. The spaghetti keeps falling off my fork. She's on her third large beer now. She starts to say 'facking' even more, and is speaking so loudly that people passing on the street have begun to look her way, and she's spitting bits of ciabatta bread and tomato and fish into her friend's dinner...’
‘I'm staying at a cute, family-run bed-and-breakfast – a homestay – on Ubud's trendy Jalan Goutama. A young member of the homestay's family tours her compound, blessing it with incense and rice and flower-petal offerings in little hand-made palm-leaf boxes.
All is well in Bali's spiritual capital...’
‘A Dutch boy in Holland goes to a gypsy fortune-teller who tells him that he is, in fact, Balinese. Afterwards, his uncle visits the Island of the Gods and brings him back a wooden carving of a bare-breasted lady.
Lucky for him it wasn't one of those funny-shaped wooden bottle-openers that looks like a cock...’
‘Shake out those Kundalini Awakenings with some HoopYogini™ and Bhakti Boogie® at the Yoga Barn. Celebrate The Divine Feminine with a splash of Shakti Dance. Puff up your lungs in a Sacred Breathwork Immersion Workshop®, insert a Jade Egg for luck at The Womb Temple™ and polish it off with some tantalising Manifesting And Abundance.
You know you're worth it...’
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